I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
