i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
