Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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