Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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