maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
