she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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