I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I love you.
Bad choice
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