I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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