Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
