You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i dont even know how to be here
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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