Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
