in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
