i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
