Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I have post one night stand depression
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