You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
