theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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