so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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