i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
