He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
