Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
