thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
