I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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