There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
our cab driver is having phone sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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