This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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