I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
