I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
