that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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