it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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