i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
