I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
