At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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