how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
