Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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