You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
