I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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