I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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