I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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