I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found puke in my bra..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
