Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
