Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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