I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
