Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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