i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
