Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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