Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
