You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
