47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
