last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
