just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
