So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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