he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
