I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
