I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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