Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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