sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
