a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
tell me about the eggs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
