Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
