you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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