dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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