whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I AM VODKA MAN
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
